Hello darkness, my old friend.
I’m typing this during midnight. But this night, it’s like peace. Because finally (maybe?) I found something that’s really been missing in my life for months, or maybe years? I don’t know.
I sat with next to my parents, those who, of course, like a sysadmin, can gain complete access to my brain software. Any wisdom I heard from them is like a sudo command to my brain software, and I can’t question any wisdom I heard from them. All is that set because I trust them and heck, they’re very wise and have very good knowledge of wisdom. I can call them my mentor too.
Tonight, I sat down and they tell me that they found a bug, or more accurately a security vulnerability that I wasn’t aware of (Of course they didn’t actually say that way but you get the idea). That is, somehow I have changed my primary goal that is deeply integrated with my reasoning to decide on mostly high-stake choices. This is why I call it Remote Code Execution (RCE) vulnerability, because somehow that very restricted terroritoy of my brain got compromised. To explain better, I have to drag you to three years ago when I set to decide to continue college.
Three years ago as seen from my old post I set my dream really too high. Like, I wanted to go in international college. Why I want it so? Because they told me so and then it logically makes sense. Who can’t be inspired to be more creative when surrounded by highly competitive people? And anyway why I even want to choose that path? Because the Wolf vs Sheep. And I have been long decided to live the life as a Wolf.
But then anyway reality happens so I still stuck here in my country. But it’s something nice and makes sense, because at that time I don’t know roads, I don’t know how to travel, I don’t know how to make friends nor influencing them. The only thing in my mind at that time is I will make relations there.
And turns out it exceptionally really well. I know how to impress lecturer, I know how to coach classmates, I know how to quickly get known by the campus staff, I even know how to get a free scholarship. And even more healthy relation and more crazy stuff that I don’t mention.
But then pandemic come, but because I think I still want more relations, it made me stuck. It mades me feels that I nolonger be benefited from finishing college anymore and this is the biggest fault I made. I never thought when I have to go back to my original goal, and this nights, it did that.
But how I even go back when there’s so many things already going on? First things first, The deal is the deal. I’m trying hard to not break any deal going on. Second, I will make anything that I previously plan to be finished in months, to be finished in weeks. I’m accelerating anything that time given to me as fast as possible right now, without any exception nor futher distription. And third, make any current project dormant or only when I have a time to do it (maybe as far as 2 hours a day) and no longer accepting any new work since then.
This is a dramastic change, I know. Yet to make sure that I’m not going back again I set these basic principles in a stone and I state nobody will ever can change it. You might be concerned that I will make less money and then have financial problem. But as far I have concerned, it’s none and having less money will not affect myself. I already grateful with a fact that a person with having less money actually be more peaceful than those with too much money in power. It’s a basic rule to live a life and be stoic anyway.
Good bye my fun days. The fact that when it’s not the time, the wolf will not be giving is really hurts me, but then, it’s worth the investment.
So in the end, when you’re a wolf, Never give something to the world, when you are not ready.